Monday, November 21, 2011

Blessing of the Hands

So I was sitting at my desk today, working diligently, as usual, when a woman stopped by my desk to inquire as to whether I would like to have my hands blessed. No, I am not making this up.

Now just so that you have the full context, I work at a hospital. So the fact that there is a Spiritual Care department isn't really that strange. And they are big into serving, "the entire hospital community," which includes the employees. Understandable as well. But I do have to say that you've started to cross the quirky threshold when you send a woman to go cubicle to cubicle to ask people to declare on the spot if they would like to participate in a Blessing of the Hands.

And since the real world me is way less snarky than Rubyspikes, I politely declined the hand-blessing, and then also declined the printed Blessing of the Hands cards she was handing out. But because Rubyspikes is always hanging out in my brain, I offer you these:

My Top 10 Responses that I COULD have Said to the Lady Who Came to My Cubicle Today and Offered to Bless My Hands
10. Actually, can you bless my feet instead? 
9. Sorry, I am a contractor. I don't get company benefits. 
8. No. I know how this works. If you bless them today, then I'll just need a re-blessing in a couple weeks and then again in another few weeks and then you'll have me hooked. I'm on to you, Lady. 
7. Would you be willing to bless only one hand? I want to see if there's a difference in a week. 
6. Only if you bless them very, very slowly. I bill by the hour. 
5. What are you implying about the current state of my hands that you think they need blessing?  
4. Clearly you've never heard of me. I'm a miracle worker around here. 
3. Actually, I'm an atheist. Could you please put me on your Do Not Bless list? 
2. Damn! Why weren't you here last week, before my evil hands stabbed that homeless guy in the alley? 
1. Um.... you're not serious, right?

Clearly, I should have had my hands blessed. Because right now, they are obviously up to no good.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Not Crushed.... Yet

Hey! Look at that! I remembered the password to login to my blog! And you thought I'd been crushed by a falling house. So I'm guessing y'all want to know where I've been and what's my story and why it's been OVER A MONTH since my last post. Well, sorry to say that I don't really have much of an answer. I have a bunch of little, tiny answers, but they're all pretty lame.

First I was really busy at work. Then we (my family and I) went to Disney World, so I abstained from blogging while I appreciated them. Then we came home and I went back to work and it was still crazy busy. Then I downloaded Plants vs Zombies for my iPhone. Then I built some cool Lego stuff. Then I played more Plants vs Zombies. Then I volunteered to chair the Silent Auction committee at my son's pre-school (co-chair, really). Then I played more PvZ. Then Steve Jobs died and I thought it was really sad and I was motivated to spend more time with my family and less time with my iPhone. (Ironic.) Then my tiny little company of two employees (my husband and I) hired another employee (whom we are not related to). Then I kept playing PvZ. And then a woman I work with said to me, "Hey! What happened to Rubyspikes? I guess I'll just delete my bookmarks."

So since I can't have that happening, here I am. Writing the most lame (or is it lamest) blog post ever. Because while all of the above boringness did happen in the last month, probably the two biggest reasons that I haven't blogged have been:

1. Plants vs Zombies. Really, people. I've played this game non-stop for the last month. I've beaten it every which way to Sunday, amassed every "accomplishment", downloaded and beaten every mini-game, and still, I keep playing it. You want to know how one becomes a zombie? Simple. They download PvZ and then they never stop playing it. ***brains***

2. I moved my laptop out of my bedroom. Really, that's it. Back when work got really busy, I started working from my office instead of my bedroom. So I brought my laptop out of the bedroom and put it in the office, where it has been living for the last month. And this meant that when I finished my boys' bedtimes every night, I would head back to my bedroom where my laptop and blog and Twitter were not waiting for me. So all I had was my phone, where the zombies were waiting for me. If you only know one fact about me, know this: I am a creature of habit. I have routines and systems. And when something about them changes (like my laptop not being in my bedroom), suddenly the things that were a part of my every day become a struggle to find time for. So no laptop in my bedroom meant no social media for Rubyspikes.

But rest assured. I am now sitting comfortably on my bed, laptop on my lap, typing away. Am I back for good? Probably. But just in case I disappear again, here's at least a recap of the things I THOUGHT about blogging about over the last month:

  • There was an annoying, grumpy scooter-riding lady who kept using her scooter to "cut" in line at Disney World's Hollywood Studios, including inching up past me and my 4 year old. She deserved a scathing blog post. Grrr.
  • Speaking of Disney World... people! Go during the school year. I don't care if you have to pull your kids out of school. There is no one there in mid-September. Totally worth it!
  • I want to build a Disney World style playground in the greater Chicagoland area. (Not a theme park, a playground.) I will need to find some financial backers. Who wants to loan me a half a million or so to get started?
  • I created the coolest Lego mosaic creations ever. My friends think I'm nuts. They're probably right, but the mosaics are still awesome. They totally warrant a full post. Hopefully I'll get around to this soon. In the meantime, take a look....

  • I have fallen in love with creating sensory bins for the kiddo.

  • I created a lame "game" with pictures of US Presidents and the kiddo has spent hours playing with them. Win.

  • We picked out pumpkins at a pumpkin farm.

  • We had a first birthday party for my baby.
  • I built a super-awesome zoo with my kid's toys.

  • I came up with a potential theory about what could be causing the increase in autism rates. Probably wrong, but I still think someone should be researching it. Who wants to give me funding for a research project?
  • We raked leaves and jumped in them.

  • Steve Jobs died and it totally bummed me out because I get really upset when really rich people die from incurable diseases.
  • We carved pumpkins

  • We trick-or-treated.
  • I wrote a blog post.
That's about it. So what have you been up to for the last month?