Thursday, July 7, 2011

Why Does McDonald's Hate Me

I eat McDonald's a bit more than your average human being. Actually, let's just say that the definition of the word "bit" is open for debate. So last summer when I was crazy pregnant (the babe was born in late September), I was all over the Arctic Orange shakes. Never heard of them? Well, that's because they came out around the same time as the fruit smoothies, and McDonald's was gangbusters for promoting the smoothies. Turns out they didn't really need to promote them that much because McDonald's customers were gangbusters into buying the smoothies. So that worked out nicely for everyone. Well, except me. Because I tried the smoothies and was like, "Eeah." They were fine. Whatever. But I had also tried the Arctic Orange shake. Man that sucker was delicious! Basically it was an orange Dreamsicle in shake form. They were a little too sweet, so that after about 3/4, you almost couldn't eat another sip. But you could totally go back for another 3/4 of Arctic Orange goodness in a few days. (Some people waited a few days, I'm sure. I was 8 months pregnant in August. I thought a 24 hour waiting period between shakes was plenty sufficient.)

Anyway, one day I pulled up to my local McDonald's, ordered my Arctic Orange addiction and heard the drive-thru-order-guy say to someone else, "Do we still have any orange shakes left?" At first, I just thought that they had  had a run on the orange dreamy goodness, but when I pulled up and he gave me my shake, he mentioned that this was the last day they'd have them. WHAT???? Yes, this was a summertime promotional item. Other McDonald's might have some stock left, but when it ran out, that was the end of the Arctic Orange shake. WTH, McDonald's? This thing was delicious. Maybe if you had promoted them a bit then people would have known of their deliciousness.

So I mourned the loss of the best shake that McDonald's has EVER had and hoped that maybe they would treat it like that God-awful shamrock shake that tastes atrocious but that they continue to bring out year after year. Maybe it would become a summertime staple. But it's July now. No Arctic Orange shakes in sight. Bummer.

Oh well, I've been consoling myself with a different McDonald's frozen delicacy: the McFlurry. I've never been a huge fan of the McFlurry since they are A) entirely too big and B) no one who works at McDonald's can ever be bothered to mix those things longer than 2.1 seconds, which might as well be 0.2 seconds because they're never mixed and you get a whole huge cup with a little ice cream and a ton of Oreo at the top and then you get through the mound of Oreo and are left with half a cup of so-so ice cream and NO Oreo left AT ALL. Ugh. Sorry. It's just that, really? You can't just mix the thing the way you're supposed to so that I don't get a cup of ice cream with Oreo sprinkled on top?

But McDonald's has done two things that has made me a new fan of the McFlurry. No, they have not begun training their staff on proper mixing. That, I'm afraid, is too much to hope for. Awesome thing #1: They have started offering the snack sized McFlurry. That, my friends, is awesomeness. It is a much more appropriate size (for me anyway). Awesome thing #2: They have introduced the Rolo McFlurry. OMG! Ice cream and chocolate and caramel. Oh it is heavenly delicious (if the staff would kindly mix the silly thing). Actually, even if they don't mix it, it is still delicious. Nom nom nom. So good.

Then the other day, as I was in the drive thru getting a large Diet Coke (and not a McFlurry, thank you), I actually noticed the McFlurry sign in the corner of the menu board. Here it was:

Well, from that picture, you can't see much of anything. How about this:

What? You still can't read that tiny little print? OK, fine. Here's the image that appears on the McDonald's site:

Now can you read it? Yes, that's right. It says "limited time."

Why, McDonald's? Why do you hate me so much that you keep introducing fabulous, delicious products that I can fall in love with just in time for you to take them away?

To you, McDonalds, I say: What. Ever.